me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
