SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I just want nice things and good sex
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
