but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
