her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
