and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
