I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
