i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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