i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
