apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
