i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Found the puke drawer
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
