he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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