If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
