I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
