We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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