why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
