I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
