Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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