he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
