So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
