I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
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