sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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