I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He did a backflip because drugs
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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