just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
