I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
