I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
