ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
