I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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