Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
