I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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