Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
