Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(313): View more from Michigan

They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.

(313): View more from Michigan

Something like a penis light saber.

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(248): View more from Michigan

Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke

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(302): View more from Delaware

She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship

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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour

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(775): View more from Nevada

The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......

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(517): View more from Michigan

1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.

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