I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
The best revenge is premature balding
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
