At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
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