You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
