You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
