alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
