I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
