i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
