im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
