so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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