just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
