So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
