That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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