im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
