the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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