I am puke
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize