I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
