I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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