Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Randomize
