A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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