YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
there is puke in my bra ... again
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
