i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
