My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
