god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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