I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
