Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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