apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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