dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
