I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
