I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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