he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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