dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
