watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
