the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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