There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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