i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
