I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
