First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
