note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
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