I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
