We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Randomize
