there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
