there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
