Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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