Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
