will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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