Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
