We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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